Understand pregnancy for what it is: A wonderful and beautiful experience, wrapped up in a colossal shift in hormones! Not only is the new mother dealing with the uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy, but also with anxieties and fears of motherhood (not to mention feeling like a beached whale half the time!). New mothers need a tremendous amount of compassion and support throughout the nine months of pregnancy, and beyond. Here are a few things to keep in mind when offering advice, support or criticism to a new mother:
On the Issue of Pregnancy and Postpartum Weight:
What to Say (All with Sincerity):
- Honey, you look terrific!
- Pregnancy becomes you.
- You need to gain weight, our baby's well-being depends on it!
- Honey, you just had a baby! You look great for just having a baby!
- You're having our baby! That automatically makes you beautiful!
What NOT to Say:
- Wow, you're BIG for____months!
- Well, at least people know you're pregnant!
- Should you be eating that? You don't want to gain too much weight.
- Hey, try breastfeeding! That should take the weight off!
- Oh, I didn't realize you already had your baby!
On the Issue of Bottle Feeding vs. Breastfeeding:
What to Say:
- Whatever you decide to do, dear. The baby will be healthy either way.
- Let's take a breastfeeding class together.
- I know a friend who's breastfeeding her child. I'll put you in touch with her.
- There are lots of great formulas out there for you to choose from.
- Breastfeeding is a beautiful experience to enjoy with your baby.
What NOT to Say:
- Breastfeeding is for mothers who are too cheap to buy formula.
- I wouldn't breastfeed if I were you. I tried for three months and gave up because it was too hard.
- Formula is unhealthy for babies. He'll be sick all the time.
- Mothers who love their babies breastfeed their babies.
- Breastfeeding is "dirty" and perverted, especially if done in public.
On the Issue of Child Rearing:
What to Say:
- I would love to give you advice on anything you need. Just let me know.
- I've got some great books on parenting. Would you like to borrow them?
- Let's take a parenting class together. That way, we can be prepared.
- Parenthood is challenging, but I know you'll be great at it!
- Follow your heart. You know what's best for your child.
What NOT to Say:
- Well, here is what I (my mother, Aunt Mabel, Dr. So-n-so, etc.,) think/thinks is best for your baby.
- This is the only book worth reading on parenting!
- Just you wait when this baby is born; you'll see how difficult parenting is!
- Always/Never pamper your children, give them time outs, etc. (In fact, eradicate the words "always" and "never" from your vocabulary when discussing parenting!)
- Well, if I were you...
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